CONSENT FORM SIGNED BEFORE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE

Imagine. Imagine you the guy making this or the babe actually already having a drafted copy and she just gives you a signed copy before you propose parole. wont you love the girl for the rest of your life ?
Imagine if there is a form like the one below, most of my male friends will be happy and would probably make enough copies to give out.

oya sign now

CONSENT FORM SIGNED BEFORE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
This certifies that, I, ____________________________ the undersigned female (hereafter referred to as the "screwee") about to enjoy sexual intercourse with _________________________ (hereafter referred to as the "screwer").

I am above the lawful age of consent. I am in my right mind and not under the influence of any narcotic or alcoholic substances.
...
The aforementioned screwer need not use any force, threats, coercion or promises to influence me. Furthermore I, the screwee, am in no fear of him whatsoever, and do not expect or wish to marry him. I do not know if he is married or not, and I do not care. I am neither asleep nor drunk, I'm entering this relationship with him because I love it and want it as much as he does.

In the event whereby I receive the full satisfaction, which I expect, I declare in advance the capacity and willingness to further participation as soon as time permits. In addition, I will not act as a witness against him nor will I file charges against him should I fall pregnant, contract a sexual disease or feel that he is violating any legislation, moral, legal or otherwise.

Signed naked before jumping into bed at ____________ on this _________ day of the______________Month in the year 201

Signature of screwee: ________________________

Date of birth: ________________________

Date of conduct:


SOURCE: BBM BROADCAST

Follow @seesense1

OPERATING A PHONE WITH A BAD SCREEN

Have you ever thought of ways of reading someone’s message or maybe yours and still have the text message looking unread. I happen to learn this when my phone 6600 screen spoilt about 6 years ago. This is like one of the coolest stuffs I found out myself.

While my phone was bad, I had to read text messages that were sent to my phone, here was what I did, I my sister’s phone, which was navigated the same way. So I go through the following process to read the message

11)      Switch both phones off

22)      Put the two phones on

33)      Put on the pin codes and passwords

44)      Wait for the phone to load and all the information and data

55)      Use the best phone, to lead my blind phone to text message

66)      Check for the FORWARD option, then forward the unread text message to another phone

Soon after, I knew the whole process and didn’t need any other phone for guidance, I was reading my messages, all I needed was to have enough credit so I could forward my message and from the context of the message, many a times I could tell who sent the messages.

I soon realized that the FORWARD option of those Nokia phones didn’t necessary mean READ, even though you can read the entire message (while you forward). The text message still showed as unread. Because you clicked on the forward Option and not Open.

Follow @seesense1

DAME LAZARUS EBELE JONATHAN

*loud singing*
“E ba mi ra ba ba fun oba ogo o”

Eeys! Stop there! Why are you roaming the highway at this unholy hour?

Oga Constable, no be small thing o…

*shines torchlight* Sir, we’ll need your particulars and your driver’s license!
Your certificate of roadworthiness also Sir!

Oga constable, a pedestrian needs no permit!
My legs are licensed by the Federal republic of Nigeria to roam as they wish! I know my rights!

Well, well…if you know your rights, you know we have the right to arrest you, and show you on the next episode of crime fighters!

Calm down constable, I am but from the presence of the Lord; rejoicing, wining and dining at the re-incarnation of our modern day Lazarus.

Sergeant, please arrest this man, he has had a bit too much to drink!

Arrest who?! Constable, don’t you have a television set?

Television set? At a checkpoint? We would write a memo to the Federal Government to that effect.

Well, your ignorance is permissible. If you had a television set, you would have been privileged to note that I was one of the esteemed dignitaries at the thanksgiving service of Dame Patience “Lazarus” Ebele Jonathan.

Thanksgiving service? Sir, whatever you have been drinking tonight, we want some…for the road of course!

Officer, while you have been at the checkpoint trying to checkmate the forces of evil, principalities and powers have tried to destabilize our great nation!

If you do not make any sense in the next ten minutes sir, the powers that be on this road shall put you in handcuffs sir!

Well, simply put, in leading the way as Africa’s Giant, the First Lady of the Federal Republic of Nigeria recorded history as the first Woman to return from the land of the dead!

The land of the dead?!

Yes constable, our First Lady arrived at the gates of death (thankfully without her obscenely large entourage), but she was refused entry!

Sir, remember you have ten minutes!

Constable, our First lady went for a surgical operation! She was unconscious for a week, and the Good Lord was gracious enough to send her back to us! Like Lazarus of the biblical times!

Surgery? What surgery? I’m sure that if our First Lady was outside the shores of this country having surgery, the good people of Nigeria would have been informed!
We would have prayed for her! T.B Joshua could have predicted the outcome beforehand!

Well, constable, that’s not very important, you know how the First Lady likes her privacy….

If my memory serves me right and my radio still tunes to the news every morning, the Special Adviser to the President on Media insisted that our First Lady was off to Germany on vacation!

You know how vacations are unpredictable, one minute you’re on the beach applying sunblock, the next minute you’re flat on your back fighting death! Let’s focus on the miracle for now.

I don’t quite agree, Reuben Abati, seasoned journalist turned Chief of propaganda, told 167million of us that our First Lady needed rest as a result of her hectic schedule. When did a vacation become an euphemism for surgery?

The image of the President and his wife is Abati’s top priority, I’m sure he didn’t want to throw the nation into panic. He knows how much we love our First Lady.

Yes, we love her, and her particularly moving speeches, our very own Mrs Malaprop….

Abati sought to calm our nerves by telling us a half truth. Like every piece of tragic news, it must be broken systematically.

So, he lied for our own good? Public defender turned public confuser! This memory again! Her husband also confirmed that she was in Germany on vacation! Could Nigeria’s topmost public officer lie to us?

Constable, you ask too many questions! You are like Thomas who doubted the resurrection of Jesus. Or more like Mary who doubted if Lazarus would live again.

So, why did the Honest Reuben Abati decide to put us out of our misery and tell us the true condition of our beloved First Lady?

It didn’t quite go as planned, Dame Patience arrived at the press conference with a prepared speech, but she was so overcome with emotion….

Yes, her moments of extempore are quite legendary, once she saluted “fellow widows”; our poor President must have choked on his millionaire’s lunch on that occasion.

As I was saying, she decided to tell us of her ordeal in Germany, her near death experience, her return to life, and her belief that her assignment on earth is unfinished.

That’s rather interesting; I guess that speech is a roundabout way of announcing a new “NGO”?

Doubting Thomas! She did something a little different; a N500 million thanksgiving dinner with the movers and shakers of Nigeria was her medium of new contribution.
For your information, it aired Live on the Nigerian Television Authority (NTA).
N500 million for a thanksgiving dinner?

How much would a burial have cost?

Ah! Constable, now I should arrest you! For wishing death on our President’s better half!

If she came back from the gates of death to spend N500million of our commonwealth, all hail this Pyrrhic victory!

cullef drom :moscomet

Follow @seesense1

NYSC JOB SCAM

Surprised nope, expected yes. Before & during my NYSC programme I was opportuned to get informed by friends about how some ex corps members will launch into the photo album containing all corps members who have served in a particular state to see how they can milk them(scam). Just this morning I received a message from one PETER ISAH claiming to have served in Lagos & presently in Port Harcourt where he has secured a job with AGIP oil coy asking me to call him.
First of all I don't know any Peter Isah, secondly I guess AGIP is a brand & a multinational that runs it company on business policies so even if they have any form of recruitment it is mostly outsourced through reputable headhunters (jobber man, jobfetchers etc.) not through d likes of PETER ISAIAH. Below is Peter Isah's message & my reply to him.

MUHAMMED, how far?
This PETER ISAH, your Copa mate @ LAGOS, I have secured a job in the AGIP OIL COMPANY in PH.
Right now employment is going on, call me now for information.
Reply:
Guy u re on your own o OYO. It seems my face in d photo album looks like that of a fool & mumu abi, oloshi like you.

Follow @seesense1

SISTER's SEESENSE

 Ever wondered how to scare a random guy who just got your phone number either from you or a friend ? This should interest you.

You would be surprised to know that even born again sisters are disturbed by guys, my little sister (she is a big girl) gets phone calls and all that kind of stuffs too. So I bet a guy was on her case this very day on twitter/bbm, he was thinking about taking his Paroles to the next level so he asked for her phone number, she asked for his instead (it's a bad move many a time to give her your phone number because you would be the one waiting for the phone call, but if she calls you might just hit it). So the sharp guy refused to give her his number and finally got her phone number.

After about a few minutes of exchanging phone numbers, the excited brother dialed her. My smart sister could see a strange number calling, something in her told her it was the brother, so she didn’t pick. He kept calling. My sister drafted a text message out in a paper, this text message was full with gbagauns, as in gbagauns ( I saw the stuff in the kitchen the other day and I was disappointed in my sister, I didn’t know what she was up to).

She finally sent the gentleman the  stuffs she had written out. My guy called a few minutes later to apologize that it was a wrong number,. Lol. My sister had fun that day, she laughed so hard, tears were rolling from her eyes.

SEESENSE

my sister's memopad

Follow @seesense1

Drake - Started from the Bottom

Here it is! Drake finally releases his brand new single called “Started From The Bottom” earlier than we thought he would. The song was produced by Mike Zombie and it will appear on Drizzy‘s upcoming third studio album, due out later this year.

You can stream and download “Started From The Bottom” after the jump below, courtesy of OVO. A music video for this single has already been shot, so we can be looking forward to that dropping soon too!

DOWNLOAD

Follow @seesense1

Frank Ocean cool with Chris Brown ?

Frank Ocean says he WILL NOT press charges against Chris Brown after last week's parking lot brawl. 

Frank wrote a post on his Tumblr page to explain his decision, saying, "As a child I thought if someone jumped me it would result in me murdering or mutilating a man. But as a man I am not a killer." 

He continued, "I’ll choose sanity. No criminal charges. No civil lawsuit. Forgiveness, albeit difficult, is wisdom. peace, albeit trite, is what I want in my short life. Peace.”

As TMZ first reported, Frank and CB got into a physical altercation last week outside a recording studio in L.A -- allegedly over a highly coveted parking spot. 

You'll recall ... a witness on scene said CB threw the first punch and according to cops Chris was named as a suspect in the battery case. Sources close to Chris remained adamant Frank came at him.

Follow @seesense1

Justin Bieber Drinking Syrup ?

Justin Bieber partied with his boyz this week ... and there are photos that appear to show a large bottle of codeine at the shindig -- aka sizzurp.  
The photos show Justin, Lil Za and Lil Twist (we're told both of whom have smoked pot with Bieber) at a table rolling up blunts. Also on the table -- two sets of double cups (a known style of consuming sizzurp which was made popular by Lil Wayne).  

In one of the photos, Bieber is drinking out of a double cup. Sources connected to Justin adamantly deny he uses the drug.  Based on multiple recent photos, however, it's pretty obvious he smokes pot. In the pics, we don't see anyone present actually consuming the drug.

Bieber is getting pressure from some of his people who think he's basically a good kid ... but hanging out with Za, Twist and some other dudes are taking him down a bad road.

culled from tmz

Follow @seesense1

Seeing Sense

There are just a few things that can bring my father to the my Faculty at the University of Lagos, the first was to check for my  Diploma result and the other was to check my CGPA after my 4 years in school. Not that my dad didn’t come around regularly to school, in fact he was a regular in the school. Not being a computer or bank friendly person he does every of his transaction remotely however he preferred bringing me cash than just going to the bank to send me money.

I must say here that my father's Public Relations skill is on point, he would do whatever to meet whoever he wants, even if he has to put away with some cash, and as such he has most University of Lagos staff important to him on his list of contacts, he knows my Lectures, some of whom he schooled with, while he met some at various events.

Yeah, my father has always been the oversabi man, who checks my result even before they were pasted at the Faculty, gives me my exact hostel and school fees even without me telling him how much they were. He was bad, and he loved it.

A young man got to make money out of a smart man like this. My Dad self na seesense ambassador, he made me this smart, because before you can outsmart him, you must have rehearsed your lines very well, so here is what I did in my final year:

He had a phonebook where every of his contacts were stored,  he was going to call someone about something and it was final year, I must chop am big this time. Firstly, I sent him a message using the bulk sms thing with the username stating 'The Accounting Department', the message was supposedly sent to all Parents who had their kids in Final year, drafting a list of expenses for events to take place

Trip to Ghana CBN                                              50,000                              30% scores

Trip to Nigeria stock Exchange                              5,000                               10%

Visit to motherless babies home                              5,000

Class year book                                                     5,000

Final year programme (dinner etc.)                        10,000

Final Project (varies according to topic)               15-30,000

When my Dad got this message he laughed so hard, he said I was at it again, so I jumped on the phone book before he did and altered all the phone numbers to a SIM card I and some other friends bought for this purpose. He threatened to ask some of his friends in the school, but of course, due to the numbers I edited, he couldn't.

 So I finally had the last laugh in my Final year, seesensed one of the hardest people to seesense! 

Follow @seesense1

The Cycle of seesense

If you've read the Genesis of seesense then you can relate with this better
it was automatic for a final year student to get  a room so i got one. Luckily for me i was given Jaja Hall A114, my year 3 'squater'(using the employer employee analogy) was very certain it was
time to play his see-sense skills on me (payback i guess). so he moved in with me, luckily for him it was one of those semesters where your dad gives u a huge
sum for the session (good mood i guess)my guy had, after settling other bills, about 100k, buh hell no he was going to squat with me and use d money for stuffs. #whyevuss
He was staying with a broke squater(me) while he acquired a new i-phone (damn i was still praying for a bb, men that was d ish) while my nokia 1208 was
still hiding itself somewhere in my pocket. Damn cruel nicca I guess. Sadly for me, you cannot collect money from your  guy who decides to  squat with you (that was against our Bro code, I was
going to ask though, but my other Bros told me i couldn't.
Damn cruel summer....this my nicca(my squatee) was having a helluva year, he SEESENSE Uba bank(details in a next story) and I was still just flat broke, with the guy with money still staying with me and not paying, so this is what I did.
At the time I hadn't paid my school fees, so I purposely told him, and just as deadline was announced, I left school. I then called him, to quickly help me pay, as I was far away and didn't want to face the penalties of not paying before the elapse of the deadline. So he obliged me, and paid! On my return, he of course couldn't ask for the money as he was in effect owing me. That way I got my money for him staying with me without outrightly breaking the Bro code #seesense

Follow @seesense1