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CONSENT FORM SIGNED BEFORE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE

Imagine. Imagine you the guy making this or the babe actually already having a drafted copy and she just gives you a signed copy before you propose parole. wont you love the girl for the rest of your life ?
Imagine if there is a form like the one below, most of my male friends will be happy and would probably make enough copies to give out.
oya sign now



CONSENT FORM SIGNED BEFORE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
This certifies that, I, ____________________________ the undersigned female (hereafter referred to as the "screwee") about to enjoy sexual intercourse with _________________________ (hereafter referred to as the "screwer").

I am above the lawful age of consent. I am in my right mind and not under the influence of any narcotic or alcoholic substances.
...
The aforementioned screwer need not use any force, threats, coercion or promises to influence me. Furthermore I, the screwee, am in no fear of him whatsoever, and do not expect or wish to marry him. I do not know if he is married or not, and I do not care. I am neither asleep nor drunk, I'm entering this relationship with him because I love it and want it as much as he does.

In the event whereby I receive the full satisfaction, which I expect, I declare in advance the capacity and willingness to further participation as soon as time permits. In addition, I will not act as a witness against him nor will I file charges against him should I fall pregnant, contract a sexual disease or feel that he is violating any legislation, moral, legal or otherwise.

Signed naked before jumping into bed at ____________ on this _________ day of the______________Month in the year 201

Signature of screwee: ________________________

Date of birth: ________________________

Date of conduct:


SOURCE: BBM BROADCAST





NYSC JOB SCAM



Surprised nope, expected yes. Before & during my NYSC programme I was opportuned to get informed by friends about how some ex corps members will launch into the photo album containing all corps members who have served in a particular state to see how they can milk them(scam). Just this morning I received a message from one PETER ISAH claiming to have served in Lagos & presently in Port Harcourt where he has secured a job with AGIP oil coy asking me to call him.
First of all I don't know any Peter Isah, secondly I guess AGIP is a brand & a multinational that runs it company on business policies so even if they have any form of recruitment it is mostly outsourced through reputable headhunters (jobber man, jobfetchers etc.) not through d likes of PETER ISAIAH. Below is Peter Isah's message & my reply to him.

MUHAMMED, how far?
This PETER ISAH, your Copa mate @ LAGOS, I have secured a job in the AGIP OIL COMPANY in PH.
Right now employment is going on, call me now for information.
Reply:
Guy u re on your own o OYO. It seems my face in d photo album looks like that of a fool & mumu abi, oloshi like you.






SISTER's SEESENSE


 Ever wondered how to scare a random guy who just got your phone number either from you or a friend ? This should interest you.
You would be surprised to know that even born again sisters are disturbed by guys, my little sister (she is a big girl) gets phone calls and all that kind of stuffs too. So I bet a guy was on her case this very day on twitter/bbm, he was thinking about taking his Paroles to the next level so he asked for her phone number, she asked for his instead (it's a bad move many a time to give her your phone number because you would be the one waiting for the phone call, but if she calls you might just hit it). So the sharp guy refused to give her his number and finally got her phone number.
After about a few minutes of exchanging phone numbers, the excited brother dialed her. My smart sister could see a strange number calling, something in her told her it was the brother, so she didn’t pick. He kept calling. My sister drafted a text message out in a paper, this text message was full with gbagauns, as in gbagauns ( I saw the stuff in the kitchen the other day and I was disappointed in my sister, I didn’t know what she was up to).
She finally sent the gentleman the  stuffs she had written out. My guy called a few minutes later to apologize that it was a wrong number,. Lol. My sister had fun that day, she laughed so hard, tears were rolling from her eyes.
SEESENSE

my sister's memopad








Seeing Sense



There are just a few things that can bring my father to the my Faculty at the University of Lagos, the first was to check for my  Diploma result and the other was to check my CGPA after my 4 years in school. Not that my dad didn’t come around regularly to school, in fact he was a regular in the school. Not being a computer or bank friendly person he does every of his transaction remotely however he preferred bringing me cash than just going to the bank to send me money.
I must say here that my father's Public Relations skill is on point, he would do whatever to meet whoever he wants, even if he has to put away with some cash, and as such he has most University of Lagos staff important to him on his list of contacts, he knows my Lectures, some of whom he schooled with, while he met some at various events.
Yeah, my father has always been the oversabi man, who checks my result even before they were pasted at the Faculty, gives me my exact hostel and school fees even without me telling him how much they were. He was bad, and he loved it.
A young man got to make money out of a smart man like this. My Dad self na seesense ambassador, he made me this smart, because before you can outsmart him, you must have rehearsed your lines very well, so here is what I did in my final year:
He had a phonebook where every of his contacts were stored,  he was going to call someone about something and it was final year, I must chop am big this time. Firstly, I sent him a message using the bulk sms thing with the username stating 'The Accounting Department', the message was supposedly sent to all Parents who had their kids in Final year, drafting a list of expenses for events to take place
Trip to Ghana CBN                                              50,000                              30% scores
Trip to Nigeria stock Exchange                              5,000                               10%
Visit to motherless babies home                              5,000
Class year book                                                     5,000
Final year programme (dinner etc.)                        10,000
Final Project (varies according to topic)               15-30,000


When my Dad got this message he laughed so hard, he said I was at it again, so I jumped on the phone book before he did and altered all the phone numbers to a SIM card I and some other friends bought for this purpose. He threatened to ask some of his friends in the school, but of course, due to the numbers I edited, he couldn't.
 So I finally had the last laugh in my Final year, seesensed one of the hardest people to seesense! 





The Cycle of seesense

If you've read the Genesis of seesense then you can relate with this better
it was automatic for a final year student to get  a room so i got one. Luckily for me i was given Jaja Hall A114, my year 3 'squater'(using the employer employee analogy) was very certain it was
time to play his see-sense skills on me (payback i guess). so he moved in with me, luckily for him it was one of those semesters where your dad gives u a huge
sum for the session (good mood i guess)my guy had, after settling other bills, about 100k, buh hell no he was going to squat with me and use d money for stuffs. #whyevuss
He was staying with a broke squater(me) while he acquired a new i-phone (damn i was still praying for a bb, men that was d ish) while my nokia 1208 was
still hiding itself somewhere in my pocket. Damn cruel nicca I guess. Sadly for me, you cannot collect money from your  guy who decides to  squat with you (that was against our Bro code, I was
going to ask though, but my other Bros told me i couldn't.
Damn cruel summer....this my nicca(my squatee) was having a helluva year, he SEESENSE Uba bank(details in a next story) and I was still just flat broke, with the guy with money still staying with me and not paying, so this is what I did.
At the time I hadn't paid my school fees, so I purposely told him, and just as deadline was announced, I left school. I then called him, to quickly help me pay, as I was far away and didn't want to face the penalties of not paying before the elapse of the deadline. So he obliged me, and paid! On my return, he of course couldn't ask for the money as he was in effect owing me. That way I got my money for him staying with me without outrightly breaking the Bro code #seesense




RECHARGING PHONE


My dad happens to be one of those few parents who is not that cool with gadgets and all. He can't send a simple text message or even put on the television set, yeah, he is that cool, and he cares about are his law stuffs, no joke.. He can recharge his phone but won’t go through the stress, so many a time when he has too much bar and he just buys recharge cards like he was into one lottery thing or stands a chance of winning something for recharging. He gives me or my sister to load the recharge cards on his phone.
Here is what I always do, I just check the account balance, if the account balance is quite much, maybe a little more than the newly purchased recharge card I was asked to load, I just send the recharge card codes to my own phone (cos my dad is a smart man he would tear the recharge cards when I'm done) and delete the message off sent items, prize for the ignorance I guess. Hope my kids won't do same. Lol. .. seesense







Dad's see sense

There’s something about dads that has seesense victims written all over them, maybe it is a position ordained by God or like the 11th commandment (Thou shalt See sense their fathers so that.....) or something. About everybody has duped their fathers, and I am no exception in this escapade.
In all these, all, no matter how rudimentary or straightforward, required planning. Some were successful by the way, but others just weren’t, as my dad showed me that though he might not fully grasp the whole concept of seesense, he wasn’t one to be constantly duped on a regular, and he had some moves up his sleeves that even I couldn’t have anticipated.
But of all his counter moves, there was this one that particularly blew me away thereby making me extra calculating and careful in my seesense plots and He a no go area in my seesense exploits ever again!
My dad is one of those many dads who recharge their phones constantly without their phone ever being empty and then not deeming it necessary to know the amount they have left. And me being a sharp guy decided to capitalise on it. 
In my house I’m the only one interested in and probably the only one who uses share and shell or transfer (whichever it is called depending on your network). And though, my dad uses MTN, which sends text messages with account status, and not GLO which doesn’t. I had a plan which would cover that and not necessarily  reveal my act.
It worked so well that for almost three months, I stopped buying credit and never had a day that there wasn’t enough credit on my phone to call whoever and stay for as long as I wanted. This made them shawties respect a nigga-i was smooth sailing with all my paroles. The plan was transfer daily as much as I could without raising any suspicion then delete the messages immediately as they came.
The damn plan was fool proof,and as I had just asked my dad for a raise in my allowance and he had bluntly refused, I felt no remorse. My dad also had a wallet which had the same overflowing and him not knowing the balance constituency. So I decided to help myself to that too. Oh boy! I became a rich kid for real. I had money to spend on the entire street babes if I so wished!! This combined act went on for almost 3weeks undetected. I was unstoppable!
One sunday evening however,as I wanted to transfer my usual credit,I noticed something unusual!The pin had been changed!! And As I couldn't ask my dad or anyone about it, I just kept mute. And decided to continue with my wallet parole only. A week after I had resumed my wallet parole,I needed money real bad. So, I strolled down from my own side of the house to my parents room, On getting there, the room was empty,and as I approached his shelf to get the wallet, My dad walked in on me, this was the first time, I was getting caught! My invincible record was broken! I was in shock! I didn't know what to do! 
My Dad asked what I was up to (pretending not to know what I was doing), I played along I told him I needed his Office card to give a friend (helping him to network) who wanted to give his own Dad. My dad wasn’t buying it,he just looked at me,gave a weird smile then said;"So its been U all along!I'm disappointed!".OMG!Chills ran down my spine. He knew??!!! I started begging and crying,blaming my invisible sidekick- The devil. He called the entire family to see what I had been up to..Apparently one day in my attempt to quickly delete d message before I was caught,I ended up saving it as draft. His P.A came across it showed him and he called customer care,who were able to track it and confirm that indeed some1 was transferring credit from his phone almost daily with a pin,and so they helped him change the pin. There was no way he could know who it was so he decided to be more careful with his money and things. That's when he started noticing bits of money missing in his wallet anytime he was home. So he concluded it was the same person and the person was living with him. Hence the trap was set! 
I swear the man flogged me (without pant and boxers-butt naked)… In front of our house!!! On our Street!! In the cool evening when everyone decides to take a stroll! Cold world, my balls too had deserted me because of the coldness! :( When all them babes Wey I dey try control dey outside in front of house!!!! I wan die!!! 
That said, the man made an example of me, and the reign of See sense ended abruptly on that man!






THE MACHO MAN



A typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not."

hehehehe.. who is smarter?






MY FRIEND AND MY ATM


You see, I was lucky enough to have opened a GTB account while in the NYSC Camp, probably because I was one of the few who wanted to save money and moreso,another part of me wanted to have the GTB account that was becoming a cool status.
On getting home, after spending so much at the Orientation Camp forming Omo Baba Olowo (literally meaning Richman’s son) I came back home with an account balance that would make anyone, well most people, sorry for me. I started some hustle on the street but nothing was forthcoming.....:(. I had to think, thought of all sorts-it didn't get to the blood money level though, then a friend suddenly called to  ask if I had a Gtb account, I said Yes, he then asked if I had an Atm (not that I knew why he was asking, I prayed deep down that I could be of help to this guy) and the answer was Yes again. He needed my ATM, he was travelling out  for a month to the UK and he needed a master card. "what happened to yours?" I asked, " couldn’t find it" he replied and he had gone to The nearest branch to his house to apply for another.
I was stunned, but as a sharp guy, the thought of this amazed me, you mean this my friend who is a street hustler wanted to use my own account while he was abroad, hmm, I would have my phone to myself (where notification for every transaction would be sent). Wow, I was game, I knew about 400-800k was going to be deposited into my account because he was a big spender. I though to myself how I would be the foreign exchange gain and loss (accounting term) from 9ja who would be withdrawing insignificant amounts with withdrawal slip here in 9ja.
He was still skeptical about using my ATM, and solicited my help to help search for his at his apartment, we searched and searched without results.
Then the next day, as we were busy playing video games, I sat on the floor and felt something under the rug, traced it, and lo and behold-it was his ATM. At the time, my friend had gone to get a drink, so I was there staring at it. And then I hid it in my boxer shorts, away from him.
That way I made sure he took my own card.
I gained immensely from his transactions, easily taking unnoticeable monies like 20k, from his 400-500k transactions, I balled that holiday. And when he came back he brought me a box of chocolates in gratitude for the ATM.
But u and I know, I was the one that was supposed to get him chocolates, because the gratitude was indeed all mine. #seesense





MY TEETH-ISH SEESENSE


During my last days as an Undergraduate, I was almost always annoyingly broke. I always consoled myself with thoughts that my ‘brokeness’ was as a result of my expenses on my final year project (which of course didn’t cost more than 20k, why the hell then was I usually that broke? ). Anyways, eating wasn’t that much of a big deal as I lived off camp, and had friends who could have bailed me out any damn time. Mere gist with my friends was even enough to make us forget our hunger, till a reasonable time. We could contribute money, cook together, or just sleep, and save the little we have in our tommy.
The genesis of my problem started after second semester exams ended, when other students in year 1 – 3 (4th year students were already away on I.T) started leaving one by one. Eating became gradually more difficult, nobody to gist with, and for God’s sakes my cooking gas just chose the ‘wrongest’ time to finish, BAM!!! There I was, left alone with my two boring ass final year roomies, whose level of brokeness were almost twice as bad as mine, waiting prayerfully for our project defence to come. The only option was then eating in canteen, which would make us spend @ least N800 per day each, adding trans to school.
Here’s where the seesense hit one of us (that would be me). Instead of doing all that eating out, I (straightening tie and puffing up) advised that we go to a ‘buka’ with our cooler (actually just a DEEP plate with cover). We did just that, and here’s the usual convo:
Me: madam, abeg give me soup N150
Madam: em, ok... how many meat?
Me: ah, madam, i get teeth problem, just mix d soup, and meat self dey gimme chest pain.
Madam: fish nko?
Me: your fish dey always taste somehow for my mouth!
Soup N150 (without o’course), lasted us 3 for two meals (morning and evening, 101), which would go with fufu or garri to our satisfaction, that made each of us spend @ most N200 on food per day.
DAMN!!!! U dey fear SEESENSE????


Post was sent in from a Futo graduate. Feel free to send in your story. Seecens@gmail.com

Story from a lover of the blog.. victor from Futo