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CONSENT FORM SIGNED BEFORE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE

Imagine. Imagine you the guy making this or the babe actually already having a drafted copy and she just gives you a signed copy before you propose parole. wont you love the girl for the rest of your life ?
Imagine if there is a form like the one below, most of my male friends will be happy and would probably make enough copies to give out.
oya sign now



CONSENT FORM SIGNED BEFORE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
This certifies that, I, ____________________________ the undersigned female (hereafter referred to as the "screwee") about to enjoy sexual intercourse with _________________________ (hereafter referred to as the "screwer").

I am above the lawful age of consent. I am in my right mind and not under the influence of any narcotic or alcoholic substances.
...
The aforementioned screwer need not use any force, threats, coercion or promises to influence me. Furthermore I, the screwee, am in no fear of him whatsoever, and do not expect or wish to marry him. I do not know if he is married or not, and I do not care. I am neither asleep nor drunk, I'm entering this relationship with him because I love it and want it as much as he does.

In the event whereby I receive the full satisfaction, which I expect, I declare in advance the capacity and willingness to further participation as soon as time permits. In addition, I will not act as a witness against him nor will I file charges against him should I fall pregnant, contract a sexual disease or feel that he is violating any legislation, moral, legal or otherwise.

Signed naked before jumping into bed at ____________ on this _________ day of the______________Month in the year 201

Signature of screwee: ________________________

Date of birth: ________________________

Date of conduct:


SOURCE: BBM BROADCAST





SISTER's SEESENSE


 Ever wondered how to scare a random guy who just got your phone number either from you or a friend ? This should interest you.
You would be surprised to know that even born again sisters are disturbed by guys, my little sister (she is a big girl) gets phone calls and all that kind of stuffs too. So I bet a guy was on her case this very day on twitter/bbm, he was thinking about taking his Paroles to the next level so he asked for her phone number, she asked for his instead (it's a bad move many a time to give her your phone number because you would be the one waiting for the phone call, but if she calls you might just hit it). So the sharp guy refused to give her his number and finally got her phone number.
After about a few minutes of exchanging phone numbers, the excited brother dialed her. My smart sister could see a strange number calling, something in her told her it was the brother, so she didn’t pick. He kept calling. My sister drafted a text message out in a paper, this text message was full with gbagauns, as in gbagauns ( I saw the stuff in the kitchen the other day and I was disappointed in my sister, I didn’t know what she was up to).
She finally sent the gentleman the  stuffs she had written out. My guy called a few minutes later to apologize that it was a wrong number,. Lol. My sister had fun that day, she laughed so hard, tears were rolling from her eyes.
SEESENSE

my sister's memopad








RECHARGING PHONE


My dad happens to be one of those few parents who is not that cool with gadgets and all. He can't send a simple text message or even put on the television set, yeah, he is that cool, and he cares about are his law stuffs, no joke.. He can recharge his phone but won’t go through the stress, so many a time when he has too much bar and he just buys recharge cards like he was into one lottery thing or stands a chance of winning something for recharging. He gives me or my sister to load the recharge cards on his phone.
Here is what I always do, I just check the account balance, if the account balance is quite much, maybe a little more than the newly purchased recharge card I was asked to load, I just send the recharge card codes to my own phone (cos my dad is a smart man he would tear the recharge cards when I'm done) and delete the message off sent items, prize for the ignorance I guess. Hope my kids won't do same. Lol. .. seesense







THE MACHO MAN



A typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not."

hehehehe.. who is smarter?






MY FRIEND AND MY ATM


You see, I was lucky enough to have opened a GTB account while in the NYSC Camp, probably because I was one of the few who wanted to save money and moreso,another part of me wanted to have the GTB account that was becoming a cool status.
On getting home, after spending so much at the Orientation Camp forming Omo Baba Olowo (literally meaning Richman’s son) I came back home with an account balance that would make anyone, well most people, sorry for me. I started some hustle on the street but nothing was forthcoming.....:(. I had to think, thought of all sorts-it didn't get to the blood money level though, then a friend suddenly called to  ask if I had a Gtb account, I said Yes, he then asked if I had an Atm (not that I knew why he was asking, I prayed deep down that I could be of help to this guy) and the answer was Yes again. He needed my ATM, he was travelling out  for a month to the UK and he needed a master card. "what happened to yours?" I asked, " couldn’t find it" he replied and he had gone to The nearest branch to his house to apply for another.
I was stunned, but as a sharp guy, the thought of this amazed me, you mean this my friend who is a street hustler wanted to use my own account while he was abroad, hmm, I would have my phone to myself (where notification for every transaction would be sent). Wow, I was game, I knew about 400-800k was going to be deposited into my account because he was a big spender. I though to myself how I would be the foreign exchange gain and loss (accounting term) from 9ja who would be withdrawing insignificant amounts with withdrawal slip here in 9ja.
He was still skeptical about using my ATM, and solicited my help to help search for his at his apartment, we searched and searched without results.
Then the next day, as we were busy playing video games, I sat on the floor and felt something under the rug, traced it, and lo and behold-it was his ATM. At the time, my friend had gone to get a drink, so I was there staring at it. And then I hid it in my boxer shorts, away from him.
That way I made sure he took my own card.
I gained immensely from his transactions, easily taking unnoticeable monies like 20k, from his 400-500k transactions, I balled that holiday. And when he came back he brought me a box of chocolates in gratitude for the ATM.
But u and I know, I was the one that was supposed to get him chocolates, because the gratitude was indeed all mine. #seesense





MY TEETH-ISH SEESENSE


During my last days as an Undergraduate, I was almost always annoyingly broke. I always consoled myself with thoughts that my ‘brokeness’ was as a result of my expenses on my final year project (which of course didn’t cost more than 20k, why the hell then was I usually that broke? ). Anyways, eating wasn’t that much of a big deal as I lived off camp, and had friends who could have bailed me out any damn time. Mere gist with my friends was even enough to make us forget our hunger, till a reasonable time. We could contribute money, cook together, or just sleep, and save the little we have in our tommy.
The genesis of my problem started after second semester exams ended, when other students in year 1 – 3 (4th year students were already away on I.T) started leaving one by one. Eating became gradually more difficult, nobody to gist with, and for God’s sakes my cooking gas just chose the ‘wrongest’ time to finish, BAM!!! There I was, left alone with my two boring ass final year roomies, whose level of brokeness were almost twice as bad as mine, waiting prayerfully for our project defence to come. The only option was then eating in canteen, which would make us spend @ least N800 per day each, adding trans to school.
Here’s where the seesense hit one of us (that would be me). Instead of doing all that eating out, I (straightening tie and puffing up) advised that we go to a ‘buka’ with our cooler (actually just a DEEP plate with cover). We did just that, and here’s the usual convo:
Me: madam, abeg give me soup N150
Madam: em, ok... how many meat?
Me: ah, madam, i get teeth problem, just mix d soup, and meat self dey gimme chest pain.
Madam: fish nko?
Me: your fish dey always taste somehow for my mouth!
Soup N150 (without o’course), lasted us 3 for two meals (morning and evening, 101), which would go with fufu or garri to our satisfaction, that made each of us spend @ most N200 on food per day.
DAMN!!!! U dey fear SEESENSE????


Post was sent in from a Futo graduate. Feel free to send in your story. Seecens@gmail.com

Story from a lover of the blog.. victor from Futo






9 SURE FIRE WAYS TO GET YOUR DREAM JOB THIS YEAR


These are 9 sure fire ways to get your dream job this year. Over the next few minutes,I am going to give u all cool tips on how to beat other applicants to get that dream job you have always wanted to be yours and I can assure you that even if the company has only 1 vacancy and you apply with 10million other applicants,only you would be chosen because of the knowledge you will gain after reading this article except another applicants also applying for the job has also read this article. LOL Anyway,to cut the long story short,let's get startedddd! :D
BEFORE THE INTERVIEW
1) Dress differently : Now this might come as a surprise to you but when you go for an interview,especially with all these big companies,everybody expects you to be on a suit and probably a tie but surprise the interviewer to get noticed. My advice for u is to put on maybe a t-shirt,wear one of those gold chains yahoo boys wear these days probably hang a beat by dre headset on your neck and put on either a jungle boot or just look simple by putting on slippers sef...this would amaze everyone around you and make the interviewers attend to you before anybody
2)If they don't greet you,do not greet them too : Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! You read that right. Most people who go for interviews these days act so polite to the point where they almost start annoying the interviewers with their politeness. As soon as you enter the building,don't greet anybody andas soon as u meet the secretary,tell her you want to see the MD directly. I assure you,everybody will be surprised by your confidence and you are now 50% sure of getting that dream job. Legoooo!
3)Feel free to say whatever you have in mind : have you ever noticed that most of these interviewers act bossy all because they know u need their help in securing a job. They feel like they have all the power and that is why they sometimes decide to keep you waiting for like 1 or 2 hours. Anytime this happens,stand up and voice out your mind.maybe say something like "what is the meaning of this,do you guys think I have all the time in the world,please attend ro me let me get out of here" make sure you scream it out loud at the top of your voice so that even the MD would be able to hear you from his office OR if the Air condition is making you feel uncomfortable,say something like "This room is too cold or do u guys want to kill us"..trust me,it works all the time
4)Make sure you have a bubble gum in your mouth : Now we all know that chewing bubble gum eases tension (ask sir alex ferguson for more details). Make sure you buy like 1 or 2 packets and don't just chew it alone,blow air into it till it gets to the shape of a balloon and then let it burst on your face then you repeat the process..this would show the interviewers that you don't really 'send' them which makes them to believe that you are a unique and confident person. If you want to even increase your chances of getting the job,offer your interviewers a bubble gum. Believe me,at this point,you are 80% sure of getting the particular job
5) Assume familiarity : Now here's the catch, always assume that you are already a staff of the organisation and you can almost do whatever you like.
For example,leave where you are with other applicants and climb upstairs. Open any door to any office you see and start gisting with other employers...infact,you can even criticize an employer's work in order for the MD to notice you..say something like " Ha! Is that how to use microsoft excel" OR " Mr man,you are getting it wrong,let me teach you".this would show that you are very brilliant and every company needs a brilliant mind..trust me,after this singular act, you are 80% on your way to success
6) Always flirt with the opposite sex : Now assuming you are a guy,make sure you start flirting as soon as you meet the interviewer (As long as its a woman). Say something like "I can't wait to work in this company just bacause of this ass of yours" with a wink..this would show that you have sexual appeal and they would all look forward to working with you (especially the ladies). Trust me!
IN THE INTERVIEW ROOM
7)Always answer their questions indirectly: thus works wonders because you are indirectly telling them that they can't know everything about you and this would create some kind of mystery instead of opening your mouth to spill everything like the other applicants.
For instance,if they ask you " why do you want to work here" reply with "same reason why you are working here". This answer would amaze the interviewers and make you stand out from others.
8)Show them you are all in the same class : you are probably wondering,how does this work? Good question! If they ask you something like "how much do you wish to be paid sir" reply with "the same amount they are paying you sir or don't we have the same brain". This answer challenges the interviewer and make him see you as a confident young man who has guts and believe me,forget 1st class or whatever,confidence is the key. Trust me!
9) Show the interviewers that you are goal oriented : the question is how do you do this?
When you are asked the question "where do you see yourself in 5 years" reply with "in 5yrs time,I am very sure I would have taken over your position or might even be your boss"
This would show the interviewers that you are a man who knows where he is headed and is goal oriented
NOW PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!!
After doing all these (9) things and you don't get kicked out of the company or get arrested,call me a bastard =)).         
Watch out for the next article! God bless! Writer = @daluakabogu





The Marwa Ride


I was meeting with friends at the ikeja city mall, all Accounting graduates from the University of Lagos 2011 set. On my way there inside my marwa tricycle i was lucky enough to bump into some friends, i was really excited so i  yelled out their names in excitement
This brothers had another plan for me, they were gonna snap me (by this time i was the only one in my marwa), to my surprise this guys (not even the driver of the vehicle) all brought out their phones to snap me. lol
I bet the still had something against me after University, enough of all those escapades. they snapped me inside the marwa but they couldnt get my face, so they just waited till we got to the venue and while chillling, snapped another, then did a wonderful picmix that was everywhere (Bbm, twitter, facebook) while we were still chilling. I guess i shouldnt be shy, all this guys had to squeeze themself inside one car, and i was big enough to fly my marwa






Koko Concert walk of life aka starstrek


Considering I am not one that is keen on shows and what not-the urge to go for the Koko concert was unnaturally great. What with all the adverts and media coercion. For God's sake Idris Elba was going to be there! It was going to be  Asgard in Lagos, with Idris Elba, again on guard- dbanj thor himself, and Don jazzy, well, missing so, let's say he'd be Loki in this :(!
It sure was a recipe for mad euphoria, and I was at around about 2pm going to miss out on the maddest show of all time in Lagos, well I thought of how I'd come out smiling with a see sense story outta all this, I had to win one way or the other....so this is what transpired:
I was on the island, a better proximity to the venue than a bunch of my mainland compatriots, and all these people were so psyched to get a ticket to the show, and as expected, they called their guy on the island-me.
At this time, the general talk was that the tickets were sold out...no tickets whatsoever..."Regular had been sold out a day ago. These people were overly insistent, that I try however way necessary, so I had no choice,but to "help".
So I called my contact @ eko hotel, got there and saw that there were still a gazzillion tickets left, of whatever sort.....so I took the risky alternative, purchased 10
Then I got back....and delayed for another hour, kept on calling my guys, that the person that was supposed to hand me the tickets was posting me, feasted on their desperation and hopelessness, then by about 5:30, called to say I had finally gotten the tickets, but @ a high rate, of nearly double, they were so grateful they had no objections to paying me. So all of them came, collected their tickets and payed me!
I raked in a healthy five figures, and I chilled and watched it live online!
And considering the reviews from the show,  I indeed seesensed my way outta kokopromiseland!

Hear from the horses mouth how indeed my seesense paid off @uleoma1 @segundemuren @bankyw @bar_baric

feel free to read reviews
http://thenetng.com 
http://premiumtimesng.com





Koko Concert Seesense



Took me like forever to buy the ticket to Nigeria's most anticipated concert - GOOD MUSIC's favorite's KOKO CONCERT, i persuaded a few persons here and there and finally got myself a ticket, it was just normal for me to show my excitement and update my Blackberry personal message.
guess what, a few friends not so excited with my update had a few thoughts to share. below is an unedited humour-filled chat.

Participants:
-------------
That Dude Akintayo, Iamnel

Messages:
---------
Iamnel: Ode
Iamnel: Who gives a shit?
That Dude Akintayo: Oga u go beef me die
Iamnel: Loooool
Iamnel: (˘̯˘ )  ( ˘˘̯)
That Dude Akintayo: Lol. U fit get u ticket oo
That Dude Akintayo: Me guy just gave me one
Iamnel: Really
Iamnel: Did he give u for free?
That Dude Akintayo: Yeah
Iamnel: Abeg help me organise na
Iamnel::d
That Dude Akintayo: Lol
That Dude Akintayo: U b fool
That Dude Akintayo: Buh u don't give a shit
Iamnel:: s
That Dude Akintayo: I go tell d guy sha
Iamnel: Tell am now
That Dude Akintayo: Chill make I call am
Iamnel: Abeg
Iamnel: Ok
That Dude Akintayo: U fit call dis guy ask am for d tickets 08184******
That Dude Akintayo: Tell am from macho
Iamnel: Ode
Iamnel: How i go just  am
Iamnel: U do that shiii
That Dude Akintayo: I done call am. Ehn no believe me
That Dude Akintayo: Say I wan go sell am
Iamnel: Loool
Iamnel: Long thing
That Dude Akintayo: Just call am. Na cool guy
Iamnelson Akogun: Ok
Iamnel: Wanna swim now :D
Iamnel: Later
Iamnel: Will call him

MOrale of the story: Apparently no one gives a shit except its free


Another friend was so desperate to flaunt the fact that he was given a vip ticket and wanted to sell it off, i really didnt believe him, so dis is wah i did. (his pm: KOKO CONCERT, i dunno if ama go yet? Ping me, one VIP ticket for sale)

2nd friend: PING!!!
2nd friend: I don get my ticket oooo
2nd friend: VIP Chillin
2nd friend: \=D/ \=D/
2nd person: Dunno if ama go yet
That Dude Akintayo: Nice one
2nd friend: Dats wussup
That Dude Akintayo: Hw far
That Dude Akintayo: Hw much u wan sell d ticket
That Dude Akintayo: My bro wan buy am
2nd friend:Mehn I dunno yet oooo
2nd friend: My guy don dey Vex say I wan sell d ticket way him buy 4me as Xmas gift
That Dude Akintayo: Ok.
That Dude Akintayo: No leles
2nd friend: Mehn I dunno if am even goin yet sef
2nd friend: My Pman just day act up sinz Xmas dae
That Dude Akintayo: Ok.
2nd friend:Yeah

MOrale of the story: He didnt get the ticket